Sooo some time ago I went through a phase of hiding my left hand…in a pocket, behind my purse, with my other hand and etc.. subconsciously I had started hiding my hand( sounds crazy, I know) because I didn’t want someone who didn’t know me (Rolls eyes emoji) to notice that I wasn’t married…. I was reminded of this as I sat at my sons basketball practice tonight. With the slight mention of my husband my left thumb crossed under my pointer and middle finger to touch/cover up my vacant ring finger.
See there’s a whooooleeeeee different type of judgment that comes off people when you have one child and you’re not married, but when you have two children and you’re not married there’s a whoooollleeee ‘nother stank that comes off them.
You get the “when you getting married?”, “Why aren’t you married by now? ” , “what you waiting on?” Type questions. The questions I loathe! Simply because…
I DON’T HAVE THE ANSWERS SWAY!
I mean, at one time , It had gotten to a point where I wanted to wear a sign that says don’t ask me about my wedding date or where my husband is just know HE ON THE WAY!
I realized I somehow managed to allow society and peoples opinions make me somewhat insecure about not being married….yet. You know society will have you thinking by the time you’re my age, you’re supposed to have it all figured out. You’re supposed to be married, living in your dream house, with the career you want and of course the kids.
Don’t you DARE do it out of order. Sheeesh. I mean back in the day I used to correct people when they would mention my husband. Like “I’m not married.” Or “he’s my boyfriend.”
Now I receive it. “Thank you Jesus that you are making sure he’s just right.”
I mean come on somebody.. you gotta speak those things that aren’t as if they were..right? Right.
I admit there were times before I took this issue to God, where I didn’t get it. It was hard to comprehend why it hadn’t happen to me yet. In my prayer time the word “preparation” kept coming to mind.
1. the action or process of making ready or being made ready for use or consideration.
God broke it down for me. I shouldn’t be concerned about what other people think of the fact that I’m not married… yet ( Remember that ppl bondage I spoke about? Yea it tried to creep back up on me. He cancelled that out quick)
It’ll happen for me in his time. Which we all know is the perfect time. It took a while but I found solace in knowing that. What I’ve learned is, the preparation period is by far the hardest part but it’s necessary.
Not only is God preparing me, he’s also preparing him to be sure he’s who God needs him to be , in him for me. (A mouthful? I know) lol
Jill Scott has a song named “prepared” and my favorite lyric is
“I just want to be prepared, for when I see him at the end of the aisle, with that true heart and that real smile. Intentions pure. A love,that will endure. I just want to be prepared. I’m getting myself together for what’s coming to me, yea. I just wanna be prepared.”
That’s where I am. Happily in preparation land. Getting myself together for what’s coming to me. 🙂