Not quite sure why forgiveness has been on my mind so heavy lately. I guess it’s safe to say I’m a working through some things.
Last week I talked about letting go of things.. and this week I feel like there’s still some things to let go of, so here I am. I feel as if God is trying… correction…is showing me the areas where I’m holding on to things I need to let go of.
There are a hand full of pastors that I may follow besides my personal pastor (Pastor Edward Kirkpatrick). One of the pastors is Pastor Steven Furtick. I’ve been keeping up with him for the past few years, more recently in the past year or so I’ve been reading his books. (They’re pretty good by the way)
I’m currently reading Seven-Mile Miracle which breaks down the last seven statements Jesus said on the cross before he died.
Mile one is about forgiveness.
“Father, forgive them, for they Do not know what they are doing.” Luke 23:34
As I read the chapter I thought to myself “hmmm there are some things I need to work on”
Today I decided, I needed to catch up on some of his (Pastor Furtick) sermons. I started with “No More Nails”.. when I say this sermon called me allllllllll the way out!
God allowed me to see all of the things I hadn’t thought about! I mean isn’t that how he works… sends his word to renew our minds.
Im going to share 6 quotes/key points from the sermon and then give you my thoughts
1. “ Before God gives you the answers, sometimes, he’ll change your question”
– My initial thought was….”oooooooooohh That’s Good!” I took a moment and mediated on that one thing and realized, God has done that for me several times. For one area in my life my questions used to be ..”when?” and “how much longer?” I realized that my questions now are ” How can I prepare?” “what can I do to be ready?”. Listen I didn’t even realize that my questions had changed. Somewhere between wanting this one thing to happen so badly and giving it to God, my questions about when I would receive it changed. Just like that. **snaps fingers** I admit I was amazed. Not that I ever doubted what God is capable of, just that my work(prayer and reading the word) and faith had started to produce a change in my life.
2. “If he has healed you like you say he has why are you still so touchy”
-**gets up and begins to run around the room; while doing a little shout**
listen THIS RIGHT HERE! BLEW MY MIND!… I don’t know about you but, as for me, myself, and I lol this struck a nerve. There’s an area that I’ve convinced MYSELF (because you know God Knows he hasn’t fully dealt with me here) that I’ve been healed in…but I still pick the scars.. did you hear me? I STILL PICK THE SCARS! Not intentionally, but I still feel every bit of the one thing I’d say doesn’t bother me. I’d say… “oh, I forgave them..it was simple” nahhhhh sis! I kinda forgave them and I kinda gave it to God. When I say I still pick the scars that means…whenever I would see certain people, or hear the mention of a certain time frame the flash backs came rolling in… Like I told my friend the other day “I’ve got to get past this!” It’s hard for me to be transparent about something I haven’t let God fully heal me in. Like what am I so afraid of? Am I wanting to be so in control of this one thing that I can’t give it to God, I can’t allow him to heal me because if I do then I relinquish all rights to dwell here, all rights that I think I have to be angry?… I don’t know but imma just leave this here. ***walks away from the computer**
3. “The hardest person you’ll ever have to forgive is yourself. Truth be told, It’s my self-inflicted nails, that I have the hardest time letting go of”
-I don’t feel I need to expand on this… all I can say is I find it to be true.. think of the ways you’ve hurt yourself, whether it’s allowing yourself to be hurt or by thinking less of yourself.. I mean I could go on for days.. I’ve found in the past that I kick myself a lot for things I’ve allowed and things that I’ve done which ultimately hurt me.
4. “Forgiveness doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt”
– Sometimes we know that something hurts but we don’t accept that it hurts. We feel if we forgive it isn’t supposed to hurt. We shouldn’t feel it. We’re wrong. Sometimes we still feel the sting. But the important thing is that we accept that it happened, heal and move on. Easier said than done? yeah i know.
5. “ Not only have you suffered some wounds but you’ve inflicted some too”
Now this might be a tough cookie to bite.
I believe the last two quotes are pretty clear… I don’t know what they mean to you when you read them. I don’t know what thoughts come to mind.. but it’s important that we all take note that although we’ve been hurt at some point or another.. we’ve also hurt someone at one point or another.. So not only do you need to forgive some people but maybe some people need to forgive you. God extends his grace to us daily.. shouldn’t we do the same for the people who hurt us? Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. And that’s ok.
6.“ What held me doesn’t hold me anymore, that’s what forgiveness is friends. It’s not that it didn’t happen. It happened, and it was horrible. It’s not that it doesn’t hurt. It’s just that i’m not going to live in the offense any longer. I’ve been wounded long enough. Why would I choose to stay wounded when healing is in his hands?”
I mean God spoke to Pastor Furtick.. and from his mouth to my ears… forgiveness has a new meaning. Better yet, forgiveness has the same meaning and I have a better comprehension..
and you know what they say, when you know better, you do better.