You know there are moments where things just click… I recently went through a phase where I couldn’t explain the things I was feeling at the time. I had so many thoughts going through my head I didn’t know where to start. So many things I felt were bothering me but really something had changed… these things played a small role in the bigger issue I was having.
I would look at God with my mouth shut. Waiting on him to fix it. The “it” hadn’t been brought to him properly. I no longer wanted to work for the rewards attached to His promises. I wanted Him to be the mind reader that he is lol… I stopped speaking smh. I mean minus the blessing of my food and the “thank you Jesus” Here and there. I shut down.
I Mean God has sooo many people to look after with bigger problems than mine. Hell the things bothering me aren’t really problems so why would I waste his Time?
Yet, There I was standing in front of him…looking at him like his two-year-old daughter experiencing terrible two’s (throwing myself to the floor, Kicking, and possibly screaming) expecting him to just DO.
“Father Fix it already! Father, Make the way…ALREADY… FATHER, I Just PLAIN DON’T WANT TO ANYMORE! I’M TIRED!!”
Because I didn’t get what I wanted… and let me be clear… I hadn’t REALLY ASKED FOR ANYTHING (Matthew 7:7).. how can my Father give me what I hadn’t asked for?…. I stopped talking.
So.. things didn’t clear up… But two weeks ago at church (Abundant Life Church International), We had a guest speaker who preached on the Turning Point. Such a wonderful word from God…Letting me know he needed to get something to me and through me. There are other people he needs to help using me.
Just in time to Pick me up from my tantrum Or so I thought Lol
I thought I would get up off the floor… I didn’t… closed mouths don’t get fed they say… well, they’re right. Somewhere, somehow I had allowed my heart to become harden… there was a stronghold on me ( and I know that I know, that I Know that I Know… that my Father does not intend for me to say in this stronghold) …I couldn’t shake it… I didn’t realize it…
This realization made me question everything I’ve been thinking…
Like **Skkkirrrtt (the sound of me pumping the breaks lol)** Hold up Jesus. This isn’t me.
**opens mouth and begins to yell**
Lord I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!
“You feel this way because you’re out of position! Go back and do the last thing He told you to do!”- Pastor Steven Furtick
In a different sermon he said:
“The only way into the presence of God is from where you really are… Not where you wish you were” -Pastor Steven Furtick.
When he said that this was my response:
I mean really!?! Was that it!? Had I been giving my Father the evil stare down like a kid experiencing terrible two’s (which He wasn’t phased by anyway) because I’d been approaching him from where I wish I was instead of where I really am?!?
Stay with me here.
I wasn’t being honest about how I was really feeling with God. I was too afraid of what he might say… what would his response be… what would he think…
He already knows…he knew it before I felt it… he loved me before I was here on this earth… he’ll love me regardless.
Nothing happens by chance…
Today I came across this sermon by Pastor Furtick that resonated deeply within me… I mean he touched on ERRRRRRthing (everything) I had been feeling. I mean… What else can I say…
I needed to open my mouth… I needed to say it unapologetically and go to Him BOLDLY (Hebrews 4:16)…as I am… his daughter… heir to the throne… so He could correct and direct me…
Talking about an on time word.
Let me go get my life.
Thank you, Jesus!