What’s up BRIGGade!!
Let’s not waste any time with chit-chat. Let’s get down to the struggles I’ve had while waiting for one of the promises God gave me to come into fruition. This may be a little long but hopefully you’ll read it all the way through and gain something from it.
Now, if you’ve been a day one BRIGGade you may remember the post, Hidden Ring-Finger, you know a little about how I previously struggled with not being married. Not just that, the fact that I had two kids out of wedlock.
I know women usually focus on the “I said Yes” part of the engagement and some go on to tell you how perfect things have been leading up to the engagement. And if that’s what you’re expecting this to be, this is not that. So feel free to stop reading here because nothing about my wait, was perfect. I don’t believe enough is being shared on the real struggles women face with waiting on that moment.
God forbid anyone admits that they have real struggles with waiting. And really not just waiting, waiting well.
Anywho let’s get started.
Earlier in my life marriage never crossed my mind. My parents weren’t ever married, so I never knew what it was like. So in my mind, I wasn’t missing anything. Which in return created this false idea that marriage wasn’t a necessity (and some may argue that it’s still not. But, to each their own). My friends, parents were married so they have these great examples of what marriage could be.
I just knew as a woman, I had to be strong and be able to endure what comes my way. I had to be able to take care of myself no matter what.
In 2012 God gave me a vision for a mate. He showed me that I would be the person to break the generational curses. He promised me a husband.
At the time I didn’t have the faith to receive it. It seemed far-fetched.
At 24, ( a year later) as my faith strengthened, I took hold to Gods promise. I had no idea of the things I’d have to endure to be shaped into the woman i needed to be to receive this promise. More or less the idea of my mate being molded as well. I kinda just thought that my husband was made and ready. Surely my husband didn’t need to grow. After all, God already said he was mine so he must be ready! Lol boy was I wrong.
Where The Wait Begins
At 25, I decided I wasn’t going to waste time dating for fun. I was dating with intentions of having a husband one day. Mind you by the time I turned 25 my best friend turned boyfriend and I, had only been in an official relationship for about 6 months. We were still navigating the waters of having an authentic relationship.
I was upfront with him that my intentions were marriage. Wasting time was not an option. One hard part for us was distance. At the beginning, being in a long distance relationship, we only saw each other on the weekends. So we had very separate lives.
Nevertheless, we continued to grow and enjoy our progress. By year 2, I was 26 going on 27 and in my mind, I had decided that we should be ready for marriage. Not to mention, we had a baby on the way (but that’s another story for another day).
After all, my formula was as follows:
- 6 months of dating lets you know if you want to be in a relationship with someone
- 2 years of courtship you know if you wanna be married.
Now don’t ask me where I got that from. It was just a strong belief I had at the time. lol
Since we were friends before anything, back in the day we used to hang out frequently. That alone, honestly made it feel like we had been in a relationship for forever. So, somewhere after the 2-year mark of an actual exclusive relationship, I started wondering “Ok God, so is this, my husband? Because if so, he needs to go ahead and ask me.”
It’s funny how we try to tell God when things need to happen.
This is around the time my struggles started. My boyfriends lack of discussion about marriage and the promise I was given butted heads.
When we finally started talking about marriage in the sense of “one day”…my mind would be like “But God Said! so we should just do it now!”
At the beginning of my wait, I had very real insecurities. Several questions such as: “Did he really want to marry me? Why wasn’t he ready? Why didn’t he say he wasn’t ready? Am I wasting my time? Am I good enough? Is this the man God has truly called to be my husband? Am I doing too much?” ( The list goes on)
God gave me a promise and I started thinking about all of the reasons I wouldn’t receive it. SMH. I started getting distracted instead of doing the work.
There were several moments where my bestie had to talk me off the ledge. In the sense of, reminding to get my emotions together and wait on GOD. I realized in my wait I was too focused on him being ready to actually wait well.
I’m not ashamed to tell you that early on in the wait, there were times I cried about it, to him, to God, to my friends. Like i Just couldn’t wrap my head around why it wasn’t happening for us. Have you been there? Are you there currently? It felt like we were stagnant.
There were moments of my wait where I was patient… like for maybe a month lol and there were other times I was very impatient and annoying lol.
During the hard times of my waiting, I never understood how girls were waiting so flawlessly. I mean it seemed as if they weren’t even thinking about marriage and BOOM! there it was… another proposal to scroll past on IG and FBOOK.
In those moments it never occurred to me that I still had to grow in some ways to be the woman God needed me to be. I felt I was mature (after all, people always complimented me on being mature for my age which by the way means absolutely noting in some aspects lol). I went to church, I was independent, self-sufficient, graduated from college and had a good career. Perfect candidate or so I thought. lol
I mean as far as I was concerned at that moment I was a woman of substance. Lol (I laugh because I still had some serious spiritual growing to do.)
I couldn’t see that God still need to work in (yes, in not on) me AND him.
God needed to heal me from past hurts, daddy issues, my attitude, and my inability to control my emotions. I mean honestly, these things had shaped me. Sometimes I was good at masking these issues and others not so much. He had past relationship hurts and other things that God needed to heal in him as well.
God couldn’t move us to the next level without dealing with us as individuals and apart. We both needed to seek Him.
When Things Started Happening
Around year 2 1/2 and 3.. things shifted a little. I started to see the small changes. Not only in him but in myself. We were praying together, going to church and worshiping together, and communicating better than we ever had.
And honestly that made me more anxious lol. I would think ” WHAT IS THE HOLD UP”
I honestly feel every moment I may have been close to the promise I set myself back. Because when we would make progress individually and together, my focus would shift from ” On your time God.” to ” So, I mean do you even want to marry me?”
From the moment I started believing God for His promise and the moment I actually received it was THREE AND A HALF WHOLE YEARS!
During that time I was very hard headed and inconsistent with seeking God FIRST. I had to learn, not only do things happen in Gods perfect timing BUT to keep my eyes, heart, and mind on Him.
I also had to sit with Him and deal with ME. I had to deal with the insecurities that I had. I had to deal with the areas of ME that weren’t ready.
I couldn’t be worried about if my boyfriend was doing the necessary work to prepare for this marriage that he stated he wanted. Especially when I wasn’t really doing the work myself. I mean his relationship with God was strictly that, HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. It was none of my business if it was authentic or if they were talking about me. lol Yet, another struggle I had to overcome.
Eventually, I got my mind right. Yes, I’ll admit there were still moments even up to the month before my life shifted, that I still kinda wondered If I really heard God correctly.
I had to refocus my focus. God said it, He meant it. And I had to continue to prepare and WAIT WELL!
Honestly, There’s soooo much I could tell you about my waiting process and i’ll be the first to tell you IT WAS ROUGH at times but i did learn a lot from it.
But when the Good Lord Lifts that weight!!! It’s such a calming feeling.
What I Learned
- Everyone has their due season.
- Every promise has conditions and you have to do your part in order for God to fulfill His.
- There’s ALWAYS room for growth.
- Extend Grace for others to grow
- More importantly seek God continuously, while preparing for what you pray for.
I’m thankful that my then boyfriend, now fiance was not moved by MY impatience. He didn’t allow me to move him. He made his own relationship with God and took it to him on his own accord before moving our relationship to the next level.
I noticed that as we grew our friends noticed. And everyone was excited for us to move into this new season. People were mad that they weren’t include in his plans to ask me to be his wife but….it was never about them. I love that it was private. Me, him and the good lord in a beautiful setting.
I had several people say to me “OMG, your nails weren’t done!!!” and for some this is a big deal. For me, it wasn’t. Simply because previously when i thought i was ready, I spent a lot of time making sure i was always “ready.” In words of Drake “Hair done, Nails done, every thing did.”
Just so I could take a good pic to show it off. lol I had to grow out of that. I grew out of the needing to look a certain way when the time came. I felt that by doing so, I was still trying to control the situation. The situation i needed to leave in Gods hands. I was naturally myself in all aspects that day. Now, don’t take it as if i’m saying, if you want to have your nails done that you’re just trying to show off because i’m not. Personally for me, not having my nails done was apart of a heart check.
By all means show it off! It’s a wonderful thing! My heart just needed to be pure when my time arrived.
So, that’s just the nutshell of what my wait was like. I could probably have subtopics about different aspects of my wait… maybe we’ll discuss it at a later date, Maybe not.
IF YOU DON’T GET ANYTHING ELSE, GET THIS:
I hope that if you are within the waiting process for ANY promise that you’ll take a moment… think about every time that God has shown himself in your life… how you felt when He showed up….and remember that His time is always the BEST time.
I encourage you to never look at other peoples journey and wish that you have what they have, or that you were where they are at this point in life because you never know what people have to go through to attain their promise from God.
Most times you don’t see it while you’re in it, but trust me when I say you’ll be thankful you didn’t receive ANY promise out of season. I know I am.
This was a lot longer than intended but I hope this blessed and encouraged you!
As usual, you can catch me here next Monday!